(Scene: The couch in the family room at home. K sits with her medium-sized dog named Pepper. Pepper is the mixed up version of a schnauzer and a chocolate lab (more on the schnauzer side) and one of the best listeners around.)
K: (Looking over at Pepper) What? Don’t look at me like that.
P: (Silently gazes at K)
K: Listen, I know you’re upset that I didn’t give you anything special for dinner, but I’m only doing what’s good for you.
P: (Silent)
K: Here, have a Dorito.
P: (Crunch, crunch, crunch)
K: Better now?
P: (Wags tail)
K: You’re welcome. Here, come sit on my lap. I’m cold.
P: (Bounces over and flops down)
K: Thank you.
P: (Wags tail)
K: What are you laughing at?
P: (Wags tail harder)
K: No, seriously, what’s so funny?
P: (Wags tail at full force)
K: Ok, mocking me because I can’t throw your stick as far as other members of this family is NOT ok.
P: (Sarcastically looks up)
K: Fine.
P: (Licks K’s cheek)
K: Darn it. Why are you so cute?
P: (Wags tail)
K: You’re making it hard for me to be existential.
P: (Cocks ears, low rumble of a growl)
K: Ok, ok, I’m sorry for moping around. Here, let’s play with your sock.
P: (Gives look that says, “Ha, yeah right, lady. I’m not getting off your lap for anything short of a Milkbone.”)
K: Well, fine. We’ll just sit here in this blanket and watch Masterpiece Theatre.
P: (Wags tail at full speed)
(Some days are just that way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It could be worse. You could be sitting on a couch by yourself talking to absolutely no one. When you have a dog, at least you have a captive audience that listens to what would normally be an internal monologue…anyway, end scene.)
Our Father's Mustache 