(Scene: On the road, coming back from a weekend full of baseball and rain. KM is snoozing in the back, while MR & K sing off-key with the Beatles…then, in the distance, a sign for a local attraction…)
K: (Sits straight up and GASPS) PURINA FARMS!!!! MATT!!!! WE HAVE TO GO THERE!!!!
MR: I don’t think it’s what you think it is.
K: And what do you think I think it is?
MR: Really, Katie?
K: Yes.
MR: Fine. I bet the image in your head is of herds of puppies, stampeding all around, waiting for you to pet them and love on them.
K: Yes.
MR: I don’t think it’s like that.
K: Yes it is.
MR: I think that’s where they make puppy food.
KM: (from the backseat) Katie, you know what they put in dog food right?
K: I don’t know….Anyway, can we PLEASE go to the puppy factory????
MR & KM: (together) Puppy FACTORY?
K: Or Farm, or whatever!
MR: It’s gone from Purina Farms to a puppy factory?
KM: (Laughing uncontrollably) Katie, how do they make puppies?
K: WITH GIGGLES AND SUNSHINE!
KM: Nope. Think about where puppies come from…
K: I DON’T WANT TO! YOU’RE MAKING THEM DIRTY!!!!
MR: It’s nature.
K: I don’t want to think about dogs, you know, getting it on.
KM: Why don’t you google “how to make a puppy”?
K: I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT! PUPPIES ARE MADE OF SUNSHINE AND GLITTER AND HUGS.
MR: Woof.
K: You guys ruined it.
MR: Doesn’t matter. We weren’t going there anyway.
K: WHY NOT?!?
MR: Are you kidding? Have you seen the rain we’re driving in? Also, it’s like 45 minutes out of the way.
K: Fine.
KM: (still laughing) Katie, where do you think they got the term “doggy style”?
K: NO MORE!!! I CAN’T THINK ABOUT IT!!!
MR & KM: (Laughing hysterically)
(The conversation entertained the entire car for about 40 minutes, then the adventurers got hungry and went to a Ruby Tuesday’s. K will one day visit Purina Farms. People need dreams. End Scene.)
Our Father's Mustache 