Snow. It’s magic, isn’t it? Transforming the Oklahoma landscape from dead grass to beautiful, crisp white.
Sometimes, I wish it could snow on the last year of my life. Looking back, it’s been one of the worst times I’ve ever gone through, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be at a spot full of so much promise now.
Yesterday, I really struggled. I was angry; the kind of anger that burns in your chest until all you can do is cry. There were so many things I wanted to say to vindicate myself, to somehow reverse the bad feelings that were on me. I wanted the snow to cover up all the hurt and let me pretend things were beautiful.
Today is better. Today has hope and the knowledge that I’m where I need to be with the people I need to be around. I don’t need to have a snowstorm cover up the past pain; that’s part of who I am.
I was venting to my boyfriend one day over what I felt was the unfairness of a situation and he said to me, “but if that situation hadn’t happened, do you think we would have met?” No, probably not.
Had the rough things not happened, I’d not fully understand the value of a trustworthy friend and her husband. I’d not understand why it’s important to be careful who you trust. And I’d not understand how important our actions and words are in the lives of those around us.
I don’t need to blanket the horrible year with denial (snow). I need to accept it for what it was and move on. Dwelling on it is a waste of time, and time is too valuable to spend on things that don’t matter anymore.
To quote the great Bard himself, “Love many, trust a few, do wrong to none.” Wise words.
Our Father's Mustache 
I feel like this sometimes. I feel like if I could just wash away all of the terrible things I have done to myself or things I feel people have done to me, that everything would be so much better.
Then, I stop myself. I HAVE to stop myself. It can be such a vicious and draining cycle to go through, but I don’t stop myself because I’m tired or over it. I stop myself because I need to change my way of thinking before it goes too far. I’ve been to that place, where it goes to far, and it’s ugly. BUT. From that ugliness, I learned about myself. I learned about the people around me. I learned about life/living. If I hadn’t been to that place, I don’t know that I ever would have obtained the want to live.
I think you’ve been there, a few times.. to a place that is so ugly that no one could possibly understand or put it into words… but you’ve powered through and are stronger (though many days it may not feel that way) and better because of it. You are a light in so many people’s lives; there are people you aren’t even aware of that notice it. Every single day you bring a smile to my face… and I’m just one person who hasn’t even know or been able to experience all that you have to offer!!! Think about all of the people who surround you. It’s not just them (they?…no) who are able to open your eyes, it’s you who open the eyes of others as well!
Forgive me if this isn’t organized, I just had to type out this stream of consciousness before it left me!!!!