Our Father's Mustache

I would rather settle where I’m at right now than try for something greater and fail.

That is the flaw of perfectionism.

And I don’t want to settle for mediocrity because I love competition.

I am my own catch-22.

Sometimes you have to jump in headfirst to know what’s under the water, even if you know it could hurt. It could either be exhilarating or be your undoing, but you won’t know until you’re off the platform.

(Scene: my brain, one of the many conversations I have with myself in an attempt to stay rational)

Irrational K: Oh man, I could so be a stunt driver!

Rational K: Seriously? You backed your car out of a parking spot and now you’re fit to be a stunt driver?

Irrational K: I did it with one hand though!

Rational K: Yeah, that’s not going to do it.

Irrational K: I can drive with my knees too.

Rational K: That’s not something to brag about.

Irrational K: I do it all the time.

Rational K: Woo for you. Hope you don’t wreck while driving with your knees, because you’ll spill your precious venti latte all over yourself.

Irrational K: Whatever. When I’m a famous stunt driver, then you’ll see.

Rational K: Yeah, that’s not ever going to happen.

(Rational K usually wins out. End Scene.)

If Hemingway had written “When Harry Met Sally”–

““Maybe…you’ll fall in love with me all over again.”
“Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too.””

– A Farewell To Arms, Ernest Hemingway

(you always know just what to say

when i’m having the worst day,

make me feel like everything’s okay;

you’re solid sunshine, the brightest ray.)

Here’s a confession for you: I can’t be funny all the time. God knows I try. I try so very, very hard, and most of the time, I do well with the humor. There are those times, however, that there’s no way I can do it. This is one of those times. I make no apologies for this post, because life is about balance. If I am funny most of the time, then there will be times that I am not so funny.

I am 27 years old, and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, which is ok. I don’t think that very many of us really know what we’re doing most of the time anyway, so at least we’re all together in that.

I’m not perfect. Nobody is. If you’re telling yourself that you are, get over it. Chances are, most people like you because of your imperfections anyway. I know that my favorite people are those who are up front with their flaws. It’s an instant common denominator.

One of my worst flaws is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Seriously, it’s like one of those LED billboards with neon lights and fancy graphics. I trust people to a fault and I should know well-enough by now that not everyone is going to be kind to a girl who puts it all out there like I do. I’m overly honest about things, which can really freak people out and also frustrate me when I don’t get the same level of trust and honesty back.

My flaws make me who I am, and I kind of like who I am. Because at the end of the day, I’m the girl who;

• Drinks too much coffee for a person of her size.
• Sings along anyway, even if she might be off-key because it’s more fun to sing along than to sit quietly.
• Copies her hand repeatedly until she’s got the most authentic looking print for a photocopy version high-five because she can’t give an in-person high-five.
• Thinks way too much about her own funeral, but also realizes that life is too short to not be an active participant in this role she was handed.
• Has some really wicked scars that serve as a reminder that what didn’t kill her did indeed make her stronger.
• Gets angry about stupid stuff but will always apologize.
• Likes roller derby because it’s one place where no one treats her like she might break.
• Cries uncontrollably at Relay for Life because it hurts a lot to think about how much cancer changed her life.
• Gives people gold star stickers because she feels that good behavior should be recognized, not matter how dumb people think the reward system is.
• Always forgives people and gives multiple chances, even when she knows she’ll just get hurt again.
• Will try anything at least once, if not multiple times. If something is important to you, she’ll give it a college try because she cares about what makes you happy.

I get hurt because I wear my heart openly. I don’t have a poker face; what you see is what you get. I know this about myself and accept responsibility for the damages caused by others because I should be more careful about those I let close. But I won’t change, because I think that life is better when you live all in, without fear of pain or rejection and with an expectant anticipation of the moment that being so free finally pays off.

There is a definite difference between the phrases “knock you up” and “rough you up.”

I meant to say, “I’m going to rough him up.” What I ended up saying was, “I’ll knock him up.”

Yay for Tuesdays.