Our Father's Mustache

I found this post on my other wordpress blog and decided it was worth sharing. It’s been 3 years since I wrote this, and funny enough, I can’t seem to learn my lesson. Anyway, like looking at an old diary, it’s fun to see where I was back then. The blog I took the following post is justcallmekate.wordpress.com.

“irritations of 2009
I had a friend apologize to me a couple of weeks ago for being a douchebag, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what exactly that means. To the guy apologizing it meant that he was sorry for not calling me lately. I think I should have told him that’s not d-bag quality, it’s just “this semester is busy and I couldn’t call you” quality.

Here’s my list of things that count as douchebaggery, all of which have been compiled in 2009. A look back at the things that will get you on the doucher list (at least with me. other girls might be more or less forgiving).

1.Taking a girl on exercise dates (so as she can lose weight, not because you know she loves to exercise).
2.Not locking your car and then blaming your date for getting her purse stolen out of said unlocked car.
3.Telling people that a girl doesn’t meet your standard of perfection WHILE STILL GOING OUT WITH HER.
4.Making fun of a girl’s major.
5.Having a girl drive you around because your car is low on gas and “smells like ham”.
6.Flirting with a girl while still in love with your ex.
7.Telling a girl you’d like to go out with her and then changing your mind because you’re still in love with your ex.
8.Asking a girl out a week after your wife has given birth to your son.
9.Continuing to ask a girl out after she’s told you she’s not interested in married men.
10.Privately emailing/messaging a girl about how beautiful she is while already in a committed relationship.
11.Commenting on a girl’s family in a negative way after the very first meeting.
12.Asking a girl out on a date (est.) and then asking her to pay because “you’re a little short on funds”.
13.Talking about your favorite supermodel/movie star and how gorgeous they are.
14.Talking negative about a girl’s best friends/how she interacts with them. Duh we talk alot.
15.Being obsessed with your own weight.
16.Asking a girl how she’s doing and then not listening to the answer.
17.Lying of any kind.
18.Being prideful or conceited.
19.Using racial slurs/stereotypes.
20.Not caring about a gluten allergy enough to remember what it is.
So, it’s pretty simple; avoid doing these things and you’ll never be labeled a d-bag. Well, at least by me.

Maybe it’s me, maybe I let the guys I date walk all over me and so they think I’ll just forgive their jerk behavior and everything will be okay. You know what though? It’s not okay. I’m really mad. I don’t get why some people think it’s okay to be selfish and never think about how those around them feel. And these guys who I want to say all this to so they can wake up and stop being complete losers? Well, guess what; They are the ones who don’t listen. It’s such a waste and I’m so tired of this.

Here’s my final thought: I’m done with the game. Pursue me if you like, but there’s so much damage that you’ll need a backhoe to get to my heart. The last brick went into that wall around my heart and unless you have a tank and some bazookas, you’re not getting in.”

(Scene: The living room. Roommates S & K are trying to figure out ways to get fit in this bright and fresh new year.)

K: I know I’m good at swimming, and I bet I’d like cycling and pilates as well. You know, things that require minimal coordination.
S: I think you’d like Zumba a lot too.
K: Really? I’m not sure…
S: I mean, the first few times are kind of hard, but then you get the hang of it and it’s a lot of fun.
K: Is it more difficult than the electric slide? Remember when you tried to teach me that?
S: Oh. Oh yeah. Okay, so swimming, cycling, and pilates for you!
K: That’s what I thought.
S: Sorry.
K: It’s okay. I know my weaknesses.

(Always know your strengths and weaknesses, especially when it comes to dance. End Scene.)

Corgi belly flops. Pretty much the greatest thing on the internet at this time.

(Scene: A small bedroom in a small house in a small town. A young woman sits on her bed, up much later than she intended. She’s writing; typewriter, laptop, pen & paper-this detail is unimportant. What is important is what she has written down. She is beautiful, thoughtful, serious. She could be blonde, brunette, redhead; the details are unimportant. She is every young woman, from every walk of life.)

Young woman:(Thoughtfully writing/typing) This is a note to my younger self. A version of myself that didn’t care what anyone thought, just about doing what was right and loving everyone equally. You are good. You are pure and lovely and beautiful. You believe in a world where things will eventually be worked out for the best. You love your parents, your brother, and your dog. You have a huge collection of books and teddy bears, and you wear overalls everyday. Listen to what I have to say to you, and take it to heart.

You ARE worthy to be loved purely and rightly. You are worth more than you can understand. You are beautiful and fun and loved by so many; don’t let yourself believe that you are less than that. Don’t believe that there is something wrong about waiting for someone who loves you in a way no one else can. Don’t think that all you are good for is kisses and coffee. You are not cheap entertainment. You are not a passing whim. You are worthy to be loved the same way the ocean loves the shoreline; relentlessly.

Don’t ever settle on being someone’s distraction. You are worth so much more than you’ll ever know.

(The woman yawns and decides that this is enough for now. She’s said what she needed, and the rest is up to the reader. End scene.)

(Scene: K is in California for Christmas with her family. Her grandpa had a stroke a few years ago and has been unable to make much sense with communication; he understands, he just can’t put words into sentences very well…)

K: How are you today, Grandpa? I like your hat! You look so handsome!

Grandpa: (grabs kate’s hand) I love you…I am glad to see you looking so well.

K: (speechless for a moment) I love you too, Grandpa. I love you a whole lot.

(Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the most simple. End Scene.)